Do This And You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere
Selflessness, honesty, being non-judgmental, respect, loyalty, thoughtfulness, making time and efforts are the traits needed in order to win friends and influence other people. Many studies that were conducted pointed out that most people throughout their life try to wigwag other people in becoming interested in them and that is a blunder, because this technique simply does not work. No one wants to hear you brag about yourself, your accomplishments for too long. If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends.
“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”_ Alfred Adler
The question arises that what should we do to win true friends and the answer is, “Simply, ask people more about themselves and make them feel that you are passionate about them”. Studies shows that people are mostly interested in themselves, they want to feel important, loved and admired. They want others to listen to them, to remember what they are saying.
“People aren’t interested in you, they are interested in themselves”_ Dale Carnegie
Now coming toward the task I assigned myself. I tried to omit the usage of word “I” from my conversation for a whole day. I contacted many of my friends, met many of my relatives and the only thing I was consciously implementing was to make them talk more about themselves. I greeted them enthusiastically and asked them questions like how were they, what were they doing, what were their plans etc. I encouraged them to open up and instead of me being the center of attention; I made them come into the limelight. In the course of the whole discussion I started to feel like the more interest I showed in them, the more interest they showed in me. Like if, I am interested in you, in retaliation you automatically become interested in me and that correlates with the idea Dale Carnegie gave in his book.
Let me quote some of examples like one of my cousins (Roshan) whom I contacted after a year and that too to wish him on his birthday, he was surprised that I even remembered his birthday and not only this I have made some time to wish him and bring a gift for him. It was really showing on his face how much happy he was to come to know that I really cared about him and I was willing to put efforts to make him feel important.
Moreover, a friend of mine had her major in education. When I asked her about her work and stuff, I came to know about this amazing thing called human libraries whom she is researching on and that was a new concept for me. It instantly got me intrigued and I learnt some good stuff about it like when and in which countries it is practiced in. By showing a genuine interest in what she was doing, she became much more interested in me and it is in accordance with the principle in the book, “become genuinely interested in other people”. This is something that seems initially hard to ingrain but once you start to consciously try to bring into focus this thing, the results would be quite remarkable.
Therefore, after this whole activity, I have found that there is always something genuinely interesting about what somebody is doing. All I need to do is to pursue that interest I have, ask more questions and continue that conversation. It is fascinating for me, and at the same time builds a greater connection and opens up more opportunities. Moreover, kindness and empathy shown by you towards your fellows goes a long way, as positive attitudes and gestures are contagious and they promote amicable relationships.
So long story short you do not need to be nearly as interesting as you need to be interested. People can tell if you are faking it, so you really need to find pleasure in learning about others. Make it a sort of game to dig deep enough to find something exotic about even the the most banal acquaintances.